If you’ve ever felt like nothing you do is “good enough,” you’re not alone. Perfectionism often starts as a desire to do well. However, when those high standards become rigid, they can lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout. Many of my clients tell me they feel stuck in a cycle of overthinking, procrastination, and self-criticism. Sound familiar?
The truth is, perfectionism isn’t about being perfect, it’s about fear. Fear of making mistakes, fear of disappointing others, fear of not measuring up. And while these fears are understandable, they often pull us away from what matters most: living a meaningful, connected life.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is more than wanting to do your best. In fact, it’s the relentless striving for extremely high standards, even when it causes stress or keeps you from enjoying life. Common patterns include:
- Unhelpful rules: “I must never make mistakes.”
- Self-criticism: Harsh inner commentary after small errors.
- All-or-nothing thinking: Seeing outcomes as perfect or failure.
- Procrastination or avoidance: Delaying tasks to avoid imperfect performance.
- Over-checking: Spending excessive time to “make sure.”
Fortunately, there are ways to loosen perfectionism’s grip.
Why Perfectionism Persists
At first glance, perfectionism can feel protective. For example, you might believe that if you do everything “just right,” you’ll feel safe. However, this strategy rarely works long-term. Instead, it creates pressure and narrows your world. As a result, you may feel exhausted and disconnected from your values in other areas of life.
How to Reduce Perfectionism
Here are practical steps inspired by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), positive psychology, and CCI’s guide on perfectionism:
- Notice the rules you’re living by
Write down your “should” statements. Then ask: Is this rule helping me live the life I want? - Practice self-compassion
Instead of harsh self-talk, speak to yourself as you would to a friend. In addition, remind yourself that kindness is a skill you can build. - Shift from outcome to values
Rather than aiming for “be flawless,” try “show up and learn.” This shift allows meaning, not fear, to guide your actions. - Take small, imperfect steps
Progress beats perfection. For example, finish a task at 80–90% and notice what happens. Over time, this builds flexibility. - Broaden your definition of success
Include learning, connection, and consistency, not just perfect results. As a result, you’ll feel more balanced and less pressured.
Why This Matters
Perfectionism can feel protective, but it often narrows our world. ACT invites us to ask: Is this working for me? If perfectionism is costing you peace, flexibility, or joy, therapy can help you create space for what matters most.
Ready to Find Balance?
You don’t have to do this alone. Together, we can explore what matters to you and build skills to live with more ease and authenticity.
Schedule a free consultation today.
