Grief is a universal human experience, and at the same time, it can feel deeply isolating. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a relationship, a future you imagined, your health, or a sense of stability, grief has a way of touching every part of life. Many people come to therapy wondering “Am I grieving the right way?” or “Why does this still hurt so much?”
If you’re moving through grief right now, this is for you.
A Small Permission Slip
If you’re feeling tired, foggy, or emotionally raw, you don’t have to do anything with this blog. You don’t need to feel hopeful, insightful, or ready. You’re allowed to take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and come back another time.
A Tiny Pause
If it feels helpful, pause for one breath.
- Notice where your body is supported (your feet on the floor, your back against a chair).
- If you’d like, place a hand on your chest or belly—somewhere grounding.
- See if you can let your exhale be just a little longer than your inhale.
No need to do this perfectly. It’s just an invitation.
What Grief Really Is
Grief is not just sadness. It can include shock, anger, numbness, guilt, relief, longing, confusion, anxiety, and moments of unexpected calm. These experiences may come in waves, sometimes gentle, sometimes overwhelming, and they often arrive without warning.
Grief is also nonlinear. You may feel okay one day and undone the next. Anniversaries, memories, or small reminders can bring grief back to the surface even after long periods of stability. This doesn’t mean you’re “back at square one.” It means your nervous system and heart are responding to loss in very human ways.
There Is No “Right” Way to Grieve
Many people carry quiet rules about grief:
- I should be over this by now.
- Other people have it worse.
- I need to stay strong.
These beliefs often create more suffering than grief itself. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it doesn’t move through neat stages. Two people can experience the same loss and grieve in completely different ways,both valid.
Grief is shaped by:
- Your relationship to what was lost
- Past losses and life experiences
- Culture, family messages, and support systems
- Your nervous system and coping style
Letting go of comparison can be a powerful step toward healing.
Why Grief Can Feel So Disruptive
Loss doesn’t just take something away, it can shake your sense of identity, meaning, and safety. You may notice:
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- A sense of disconnection from others
- Questioning your beliefs, priorities, or purpose
This is not a sign of weakness. It’s what happens when something important has been removed from the fabric of your life. Grief asks for reorganization, not quick fixes.
When Grief Comes in Waves (And Why That’s Normal)
One of the hardest parts of grief is how sudden it can be. You might feel steady for a few hours, or even a few days, and then a song, a smell, a random memory, or an ordinary moment can hit like a tidal wave.
A helpful reframe: a grief wave isn’t regression. It’s your mind and body responding to meaning, memory, and attachment. Over time, many people find that the waves come less often, feel less sharp, and become more predictable, but it’s still normal for them to show up.
What Helps (Even When It Still Hurts)
Grief doesn’t disappear because we “process it correctly.” Instead, many people find healing through learning how to carry it differently.
1. Making Room for What’s There
Rather than fighting painful emotions, notice what happens when you allow them some space. You might say to yourself, “This is grief showing up right now.” Naming the experience can reduce the struggle with it.
2. Staying Connected—In Your Own Way
You don’t have to talk about your loss constantly to stay connected. Quiet companionship, routine check-ins, or simply being around others can help regulate the nervous system.
3. Honoring the Loss
Rituals can be simple and personal, lighting a candle, journaling, visiting a meaningful place, or holding a memory with intention. Grief often softens when it feels acknowledged rather than avoided.
4. Being Gentle With Your Energy
Grief is exhausting. Rest, boundaries, and lowered expectations are not indulgences; they are necessities during loss.
Mixed Feelings Are Part of Grief (Even the “Unacceptable” Ones)
Grief can be messy and complicated. Alongside love and sadness, you might also experience relief, numbness, resentment, anger, jealousy, or even moments of laughter, and then feel guilty for having them.
Having mixed feelings doesn’t mean you didn’t love deeply. It means you’re human, and your emotions are trying to make sense of something that changed your life.
“I Don’t Recognize Myself” (Identity Changes After Loss)
Many people are surprised by how much grief affects identity. You may feel different socially, less motivated, more sensitive, more private, or less interested in things that used to matter. Some people feel like their “old self” disappeared.
This can be frightening, but it’s also a common response to loss. Grief often reshapes priorities, energy, and meaning. With time and support, many people begin to recognize themselves again—sometimes in familiar ways, sometimes in new ones.
Words You Can Borrow (When You Don’t Know What to Say)
If it helps, here are a few phrases you can use—out loud, by text, or just for yourself:
- “I don’t need advice right now—just company.”
- “I’m not ready to talk about the details, but I appreciate you checking in.”
- “Today is a harder day. I may be quieter than usual.”
- “I don’t know what I need yet, but I’ll tell you if I figure it out.”
- “It helps when you just say their name.”
When Grief Feels Stuck or Overwhelming
Sometimes grief becomes heavy enough that daily life feels unmanageable. You might notice:
- Persistent numbness or despair
- Feeling disconnected from yourself or others
- Intense self-blame or hopelessness
- Difficulty functioning at work or in relationships
Support can make a meaningful difference. Therapy is not about “moving on,” but about helping you relate to grief with more compassion, flexibility, and support.
A Gentle Reframe About Time
Grief is not something to get over,it’s something we learn to live alongside. For many people, grief doesn’t disappear, but it becomes less sharp, less constant, and more integrated into daily life.
Over time, the pain may soften, the waves may come less often, and space may slowly open for meaning, connection, and even joy to exist alongside loss.
If you’re grieving, you are not broken. You are responding to love, attachment, and meaning. And you don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re navigating grief and would like support, working with a therapist can provide a steady, compassionate space to process loss at your own pace.
And if today is especially hard: I’m glad you’re here. You don’t have to carry this perfectly.
Helpful Grief Resources
Immediate Support
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) – Call or text 988, or chat at https://988lifeline.org (24/7)
Education & Grief Information
- Hospice Foundation of America – https://hospicefoundation.org
- Speaking Grief – https://speakinggrief.org
Support Groups
- GriefShare – https://www.griefshare.org
- Psychology Today – Grief Groups – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/grief
Books Many Clients Find Helpful
- It’s OK That You’re Not OK — Megan Devine
- The Year of Magical Thinking — Joan Didion
- Bearing the Unbearable — Joanne Cacciatore
For Children & Families
- National Alliance for Grieving Children – https://nacg.org
