By the end of this post, you will be able to define self-compassion and understand some of its benefits.
When faced with difficult situations, you may notice a harsh and judgmental inner critic that leaves you feeling, isolated, anxious, and depressed. What if there was radically different, kinder way of relating to yourself when feeling down?
Definition
Self-compassion is an attitude which involves kindness, awareness of suffering, and the desire to alleviate this suffering directed towards ourselves.
According to Self-Compassion researcher Dr Kristen Neff, the approach of self-compassion involves the 3 core elements:
- Self- Kindness vs. Self-judgment– Practicing an attitude of warmth, openness, kindness, and concern towards yourself when we are faced with a challenging situation
- Common humanity vs. Isolation– The understanding and acceptance that we are not alone in our experience of pain and suffering. This is an experience we all experience and can relate to.
- Mindfulness vs. Over Identification– Noticing our current experience and emotions with a sense of non- judgment, openness, acceptance, and kindness. It can be helpful to gently remind ourselves that our identity is more than any experiences or emotions.
Benefits
Research conducted by Kristen Neff and Katie A Dahm supports the following benefits of practicing self-compassion:
- Less anxiety and depression
- Less worry and rumination
- Increased resilience
- Happiness
- Optimism
- Curiosity
- Creativity
- Conscientiousness
- Increased ability to cope with difficult experiences
- Benefits in interpersonal functioning
Exercises
Below are 3 of my favorite practices suggested by Dr Kristen. I have included a link to the full description of every exercise if you would like more guidance.
- How would you treat a friend? When you notice your inner critic is being harsh, take a pause and consider how you would be responding to a friend going through a similar situation. What words would you use? What values would you be aligning with as a friend (i.e. kindness, patience, compassion, empathy)
- Self-Compassion break- Practice all 3 components of self-compassion (mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness)
- Self-Compassion through writing: Practice writing yourself a letter about a specific issue you have, from a place of acceptance and compassion.
- Hand on heart: Supportive touch activates the parasympathetic nervous system which helps us feel safe and calm.
Self-Reflection
- In what ways are you compassionate to yourself (actions, inner dialogue)?
- How can you align with self-compassion at this moment?
- Is there anything that you find gets in the way of self-compassion?
Useful Links
- Self-Compassion.org https://self-compassion.org/
- The Space Between Self Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristen Neff https://youtu.be/IvtZBUSplr4
- The Science of Self Compassion. https://youtu.be/oYNo_FhdWyI
- Understanding Self-Compassion (Workbook) https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Building-Self-Compassion/Building-Self-Compassion—01—Understanding-Self-Compassion.pdf
Free Consultation
Therapy can be a safe space to work on having a more mindful approach our inner experience. If this post resonated, and you find that cognitive distortions are affecting your well-being feel free to reach out to schedule a FREE consultation.
