Growing up, many of us received a similar message:
Never give up.
It’s easy to understand why.
Learning new skills takes time. Relationships require effort. Meaningful goals often involve uncertainty, frustration, and setbacks.
Sometimes the ability to keep going is exactly what helps us grow.
But what if there are times when changing direction is actually the wiser choice?
That question can make people uncomfortable.
Many of us are taught to admire perseverance and commitment. As a result, changing our minds can sometimes feel as though we’re doing something wrong.
Yet life is rarely that simple.
We Learn Things By Trying Them
One thing I’ve noticed is that many people assume they should know whether something is right for them before they begin.
However, life doesn’t usually work that way.
Many of the most important things we learn about ourselves come through experience.
Maybe it’s a hobby, a degree, a career opportunity, a relationship, or a goal that feels meaningful.
Whatever the situation, we often don’t know how something truly fits until we experience it ourselves.
Only then do we begin gathering information.
Sometimes what we learn confirms that we’re exactly where we want to be.
At other times, we discover something unexpected.
We realize:
“This isn’t what I thought it would be.”
Or:
“This isn’t who I am anymore.”
Neither realization means the experience was a mistake.
It may simply mean we’ve learned something important.
Outgrowing Things Is Part of Life
Many people struggle with a particular question:
Am I avoiding something difficult?
or
Am I holding on to something that no longer fits?
This can show up in many different areas of life.
A career that once felt exciting.
A relationship that once felt right.
A goal that felt meaningful years ago.
The answer isn’t always obvious.
Many people worry that changing direction means they lack commitment. Others worry that continuing means ignoring what they already know to be true.
What makes these decisions difficult is that people change.
Over time, our values evolve.
Our priorities shift.
We gain new experiences and new information.
As a result, what felt meaningful five years ago may not feel meaningful today.
Sometimes the challenge isn’t learning how to persist.
Sometimes it’s honestly evaluating whether we’re holding on because something still matters to us or simply because we’ve grown used to it.
The Difference Between Growth and Obligation
One reason these decisions can be confusing is that persistence and obligation sometimes look very similar from the outside.
For example, someone may continue:
- a goal that no longer feels meaningful
- a path that no longer aligns with their values
Others may admire their determination.
Yet internally, the experience may feel exhausting.
Not because the person lacks resilience.
But because they’re continuing from obligation rather than intention.
This doesn’t mean that uncomfortable things should be abandoned.
Many worthwhile experiences involve discomfort.
The question is whether the discomfort is helping us grow or simply keeping us stuck.
Growth Doesn’t Always Look Like Pushing Through
Many people assume growth always looks like persistence.
Sometimes it does.
However, growth can take many different forms, including:
- changing your mind
- reconsidering a goal
- acknowledging that something isn’t working
- being honest about what you actually want
- choosing a new path
In those moments, courage may involve reevaluating the plan rather than simply pushing forward.
Sometimes the wisest next step is not continuing exactly as before, but adjusting course based on what you’ve learned.
The Question Isn’t “Can I Keep Going?”
When people feel conflicted, they often ask:
Can I keep doing this?
Interestingly, the answer is often yes.
Human beings are remarkably capable of tolerating situations that no longer fit.
A more useful question may be:
Do I want to keep doing this?
Or:
If I were starting today, would I choose this again?
Those questions often reveal something very different.
Learning Isn’t Wasted
Many people treat decisions as permanent commitments.
As a result, changing course can feel as though all of the time, effort, and energy invested somehow no longer counts.
But learning what doesn’t fit can be every bit as valuable as learning what does.
Imagine someone who:
- tries a hobby and discovers they don’t enjoy it
- changes careers after learning more about themselves
- pursues a goal and realizes it no longer feels meaningful
- experiments with a new path and decides it’s not the right one
Rather than viewing these experiences as evidence that something went wrong, we might view them as information.
Experimentation naturally involves discovery.
Sometimes the lesson is that we’re on the right path.
Other times, the lesson is that we’d like to try another one.
What Flexibility Makes Possible
The cultural conversation around grit often focuses on perseverance.
What receives less attention is flexibility.
Yet flexibility is an essential part of psychological health.
Without flexibility, persistence can become stubbornness.
Commitment can begin to feel like entrapment.
And we may continue investing energy into something that no longer reflects who we are or what matters to us.
Sometimes wisdom involves knowing when to keep going.
At other times, wisdom involves recognizing that we’ve already learned what we came to learn.
A Different Way to Think About Growth
Perhaps growth isn’t just about learning how to persist.
Perhaps it’s also about learning how to evaluate.
Growth may involve asking:
- What am I learning from this experience?
- Does this still matter to me?
- Am I acting from values or obligation?
- If I were starting today, would I choose this again?
These questions help us distinguish between meaningful commitment and automatic continuation.
A Final Thought
Sometimes growth requires staying with something long enough to move through discomfort.
At other times, growth requires recognizing that new information has changed the picture.
The goal isn’t to abandon things the moment they become difficult.
Nor is it to stay simply because we’ve invested time, energy, or effort.
Perhaps the real challenge is remaining curious enough to update our understanding of what fits us as we learn and change.
Sometimes the answer will be to keep going.
Sometimes the answer will be to change direction.
And sometimes growth involves being honest enough to tell the difference.
A Small Experiment
Think about something you’re currently struggling with.
Instead of asking:
“Can I keep going?”
Try asking:
“If I were starting today, knowing what I know now, would I choose this again?”
Notice what comes up.
Helpful Resources
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Learn more about values, psychological flexibility, and making choices that align with what matters most.
https://contextualscience.org/
Greater Good Magazine
Research and articles on resilience, purpose, and personal growth.
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/
